I have just realised the secret of Satire: Basically, you can make the most controversial, sexist, racist, bigoted comments, and then when people complain about it, you just say 'hey, can't you tell I'm just being ironic?' Then these same people suddenly feel so stupid for 'not getting it' that they pretend to understand the complex satirical subtext of your politically incorrect assertions, and they go around saying how clever and ironic you are, and then they write essays, and publish opinion pieces that explore the intricacies of your 'art', in which they carefully dissect every statement you ever make, and hail you as this wonderfully brilliant culture-jammer. 'The voice for our generation' they say. For example, when I make a statement on this blog such as: "why isn't that woman in the kitchen making my dinner?" you need to assume that my comment is actually really insightful social commentary laced with irony and satire (see, that way I can have my cake and eat it too!) So, I have realised there is a very fine line between being clever and being a complete bogan; and that word is: Satire.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Brush With Fame
SHAUN MICALLEF came into the place where I work the other day (The Emporium of Musical Monstrosities), and I was thinking ‘Hey, it’s Shaun Micallef; quick, say something cool and witty to him before he leaves.’ But I couldn’t even summon the courage to make eye contact, and then after 30 seconds he left. I felt like I should have said something, but then what was I supposed to say: “Wow. You’re Shaun Micallef! You’re like my 7th favorite Australian Satirist-slash-Comedian after John Safran and the Chaser team!”
Olympic Closing Ceremony
Following after China's efforts, England's attempt at a closing ceremony looked like a really bad school play. You telling me the best they could come up with was a big red bus, a dozen people dancing around it, a 70-year old has-been rock star, and some never-been pop-idol wannabe banging on for like 10 minutes of mind-numbing boredom. It's a bit of a shame when you think of the rich history England has. Here's some themes I reckon they could have gone with instead: Colonization; Medieval Witch Hunts; Penal Colonies; Street Kids; Rat Problems; That Big Fire in London; Irish Jokes; French Bashing; the list is endless...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Crimping
Armored Combat Vehicle (His Alias, not his real name) believes that Boy Kabana (Alias, not his real name) and I invented Crimping - many years before it first appeared in The Mighty Boosh! Whilst I am very flattered that he believes this, unfortunately I don’t think it is a valid claim. Whilst lyrically similar, the melodic structures in our comedic songs are markedly different to the style of Crimping performed by Vince Noir and Howard Moon. Furthermore, all our songs have musical accompaniment, whereas Crimping is usually sung acapella.
For those who don’t know what Crimping is, it is a form of scat singing involving 2 or more people, featuring abstract lyrics about rather common subject matter. For a more thorough definition see urbandictionary.com. However, this website also states that crimping can mean having a wank and a poo at the same time.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Side Project Idea - The Luddites
Latest band name idea for my musical side-project: The Luddites. Our first album will be only available on cassette and 8-track.
However, Jeed (that's his anonymous name, of course, er I mean, his or her anonymous name) informed me that whilst slightly humorous, my Luddite reference is categorically incorrect because the Luddites oppose the use of any technology that is more complex than a lever, and therefore would not condone the use of cassettes or 8-tracks (I asked, what about 78rpm gramaphone records; he said no.)
[Side note: Maybe Jeed is too obvious for an alias as it is merely this person's name backwards? Perhaps I should make it something else?]
However, Jeed (that's his anonymous name, of course, er I mean, his or her anonymous name) informed me that whilst slightly humorous, my Luddite reference is categorically incorrect because the Luddites oppose the use of any technology that is more complex than a lever, and therefore would not condone the use of cassettes or 8-tracks (I asked, what about 78rpm gramaphone records; he said no.)
[Side note: Maybe Jeed is too obvious for an alias as it is merely this person's name backwards? Perhaps I should make it something else?]
Friday, August 22, 2008
Anonymous (3rd) Post
This is my (3rd) Post [just getting these parentheses out of my system (ooh yeah, that feels good) before I start to try to tidy up my grammar {c'mon baby let it out, ooh yeah(come to think of it I probably didn't need to say 'try to tidy up my grammar' just 'tidy up my grammar'- what a shocking waste of words, wouldn't you agree?}]
Anonymous 2nd post
So here I am ##@#!# years old (I had to censor my age because I am trying to be as anonymous as I can - I have too many psychotic stalkers as it is) and I am living in the beautiful country of ##!@@## (oh, man this blog is gonna be difficult - how am I supposed to be completely anonymous- come to think of it, who is gonna read this blog anyway? Probably me, and couple of close friends {who will no doubt get bored of it pretty quick} and maybe some insane lunatic who happens to stumble across it and decides to stalk me and then steal my identity [oh yeah, that's exactly why I am trying to be anonymous] ) PS. Note to self: I gotta stop using so many parentheses.
Starting My Blog
Welcome to my blog (who am I talking to? I have no friends yet {do they call them 'friends' here? Is it like facebook or whatever where you make friends with people and they read your stuff etc? I have no freaking idea.}) Anyway, this is not my first ever attempt at writing a blog. I have tried twice before. First, on my myspace page (that one lasted for 3 entries) and then I started another blog on my facebook page (that lasted 5 entries). Well, here I go again.