Oh, Ski Divine, is there a more delicious yoghurt available on the Australian market? Well, I have yet to see it. Oh, the taste, the creamy texture, the pure delight to the senses; and so many different flavours to choose from...Mmmm, yumm...
Until...
On a recent trip to the supermarket I was perusing the range of Ski yoghurt flavours and was just about to purchase one that piqued my salivating interest, when alas, Oh no!, I discovered there had been a horrible cover-up. What I had first thought were Ski Divine flavours were in fact Ski d'Lite!! A disgusting low-fat alternative, deviously disguised as the real thing. Oh, what kind of vile, sick, evil trick was this to play on an innocent customer, I thought. You perverse animals who work for the Ski marketing department! [Bill Hicks was right]
But wait, hang on a sec, I thought. It's no big deal. I can simply place this inferior counterfeit product back on the shelf and find the exact same flavour in the original version, can't I? Now... where is it? Hmm? No, not on this shelf, or the next...wait...haaang on just a minute...Now I can see ONE flavour in the original, but...no...c'mon...okay, let's just calm down here ...relax... ...breathe...ONE flavour! Just ONE measly piddly excuse for a flavour available in the original full-fat, full-taste, full-culinary-experience Ski Divine yoghurt, while there's, let's see...six, yes that's SIX WHOLE FLAVOURS available in the low-fat, low-taste, low-self-esteem-because-I'm-a-fat-lazy-fuckwit-who-sits-in-front-of-the-TV-all-night-and-gets-no-exercise-but-thinks-that-buying-low-fat-yoghurt-is-going-to-make-a-difference-to-my-life-and-there's-so-many-of-us-fuckwits-around-that-we've-managed-to-alter-the-entire-supply-and-demand-balance-of-the-whole-yoghurt-industry-and-pushed-the-full-fat-tasty-yoghurts-off-the-shelves Ski d-fucking-Lite tasteless crap!
Skinny people unite! Fight the power of fatty-fascism! Resist the hegemony of obese, lazy, advertising industry fodder who are responsible for the downfall of tasty food.
Apparently it's not enough that they get in our way at the supermarket, blocking aisles and creating hazards as they try to bend down in the frozen food section with their enormous asses. Now they are invading our taste buds, too! Squeezing tasty products out of the market and essentially eroding our basic freedoms.
We need to stand up to them. Come on. I just want to eat something yummy. I mean, is that too much to ask?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Debunking Melbourne Myths
:
Myth #1: Best Coffee
- If this is true I can't imagine how bad it is in other cities. Buying a coffee here is like buying a scratchie-ticket. Occasionally you do strike it rich but most of the time it's quite a disappointment. For me, finding a cafe that makes consistently great coffee is like finding an honest mechanic. You never go anywhere else. In fact, I would rather drive fifteen minutes out of my way to swing past my fave than take an unnecessary gamble.
Myth #2: Everybody wears black
- This was probably true a few years ago, but now when I'm in the city I don't notice much black anymore. It seems to have been replaced by FLURO! What's with that? And not just the girls, either. All the guys are wearing fluro, too. However, this phenomenon doesn't seem to be as as common in the suburbs; it appears to be more of a "metro" thing.
Myth #3: Terrible Public Transport
- What are you complaining about? I had to catch a train once and it wasn't so bad (would never do it again though. Hell no!)
Myth #4: Live Music
- Not anymore, thank you very much Mr. Brumby. Okay, but let's be honest, though; It's not all Brumby's fault. This is really a myth born out of the late 70s/early 80s when ACDC, Midnight Oil and just about every other legendary Australian band you can think of were playing down at the local pub. These days, all that remains of that myth is the name of a laneway and an incompetent Environment Minister.
Myth #5: We've got Trams!
- What is it with the trams? Seriously, though. Enough with the trams. It seems that whenever people mention Melbourne they invariably talk about trams. Trams, trams, trams. When I was a kid I used to hear people talking about Melbourne trams all the time and I figured we must be the only place in the world that had them. But then when I was a bit older and traveled to other places I realised this strange thing: EVERYONE ELSE HAS TRAMS TOO!!!
:
Myth #1: Best Coffee
- If this is true I can't imagine how bad it is in other cities. Buying a coffee here is like buying a scratchie-ticket. Occasionally you do strike it rich but most of the time it's quite a disappointment. For me, finding a cafe that makes consistently great coffee is like finding an honest mechanic. You never go anywhere else. In fact, I would rather drive fifteen minutes out of my way to swing past my fave than take an unnecessary gamble.
Myth #2: Everybody wears black
- This was probably true a few years ago, but now when I'm in the city I don't notice much black anymore. It seems to have been replaced by FLURO! What's with that? And not just the girls, either. All the guys are wearing fluro, too. However, this phenomenon doesn't seem to be as as common in the suburbs; it appears to be more of a "metro" thing.
Myth #3: Terrible Public Transport
- What are you complaining about? I had to catch a train once and it wasn't so bad (would never do it again though. Hell no!)
Myth #4: Live Music
- Not anymore, thank you very much Mr. Brumby. Okay, but let's be honest, though; It's not all Brumby's fault. This is really a myth born out of the late 70s/early 80s when ACDC, Midnight Oil and just about every other legendary Australian band you can think of were playing down at the local pub. These days, all that remains of that myth is the name of a laneway and an incompetent Environment Minister.
Myth #5: We've got Trams!
- What is it with the trams? Seriously, though. Enough with the trams. It seems that whenever people mention Melbourne they invariably talk about trams. Trams, trams, trams. When I was a kid I used to hear people talking about Melbourne trams all the time and I figured we must be the only place in the world that had them. But then when I was a bit older and traveled to other places I realised this strange thing: EVERYONE ELSE HAS TRAMS TOO!!!
:
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
This is just one of many hilarious overheard gems from Overheard Everywhere.com
:
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
:
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Quote of the Day
Why is it that every clever thing that has ever been said is attributed to either Winston Churchill or Oscar Wilde?
~ Winston Churchill
~ Winston Churchill
Monday, February 8, 2010
Random Ideas & Observations
It is actually more expensive to dress bogan than to dress cool. Need proof? Compare the price of clothing at Rebel Sport to Savers
Promotional campaign for dog-poo bags: Slogan idea-
A poo in the bag is worth two in the bush
[EDIT: Seriously, dude. Lift your game]
Parents keep getting older and older. These days, no sooner are kids out of nappies than they have to return the favour (THIS JUST IN: 'knee-bouncing' to be replaced by 'walking-frame bouncing')
Promotional campaign for dog-poo bags: Slogan idea-
A poo in the bag is worth two in the bush
[EDIT: Seriously, dude. Lift your game]
Parents keep getting older and older. These days, no sooner are kids out of nappies than they have to return the favour (THIS JUST IN: 'knee-bouncing' to be replaced by 'walking-frame bouncing')
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Quote of the Day
This quote is from one of my uni textbooks...
The U.S. Army is testing a high-tech surveillance blimp to monitor the U.S. border. A spokesperson for the private contractor, American Blimp, said:
Universally, blimps give people a big warm fuzzy. People just like blimps
The U.S. Army is testing a high-tech surveillance blimp to monitor the U.S. border. A spokesperson for the private contractor, American Blimp, said:
Universally, blimps give people a big warm fuzzy. People just like blimps
Monday, February 1, 2010
We got an extension? Dead right.
I got a good laugh out of this, so I thought I might share it...
I'm studying a subject online and the lecturer recently posted a message to say that his father had died and so he needed a few days off, and therefore the due date for the essay has been extended one week.
In reply, there were about 20 messages by students saying 'very sorry', 'condolences' etc. Then one guy wrote: Did I just read that we've got an extension for the assignment? Sweet!!
I'm studying a subject online and the lecturer recently posted a message to say that his father had died and so he needed a few days off, and therefore the due date for the essay has been extended one week.
In reply, there were about 20 messages by students saying 'very sorry', 'condolences' etc. Then one guy wrote: Did I just read that we've got an extension for the assignment? Sweet!!
Six-word memoir (Submission #4)
Okay...pushing it this time:
Lets’s-start-right-at-the-beginning-shall-we-well-I-grew-up-in-a-suburb-of-a-relatively-large-city-in-a-Western-industrialised-country. Childhood-had-its-ups-and-downs-of-course-not-unlike-most-people-but-to-be-honest-on-the-whole-I-was-really-quite-comfortable-and-happy-most-of-the-time-growing-up-in-my-middle-class-traditional-nuclear-family-and-by-nuclear-of-course-I-am-referring-to-the-fact-that-the-household-in-which-I-grew-up-contained-my-mother-and-father-and-my-siblings-I-am-not-of-course-referring-to-nuclear-weapons-although-in-our-family-there-were-at-times-plenty-of-atomic-reactions-going-on-ha-ha-ha-just-a-little-joke-of-course-as-you-can-tell-I-also-developed-my-appalling-sense-of-humour-around-this-time. Next-came-adulthood-which-involved-marriage-children-a-car-a-house-a-refridgerator-a-television-a-pet-dog-a-pet-cat-that-ran-away-after-about-a-week-and-have-never-heard-of-since-and-furthermore-never-felt-any-compulsion-to-replace-and-a-garage-to-store-said-car-the-usual-assortment-of-modern-furniture-and-furnishings-to-fill-said-house-a-cot-and-appropriate-sleeping-quarters-for-said-child-food-to-fill-said-fridge-a-television-remote-to-switch-on-said-television-as-well-as-available-evenings-to-sit-in-front-of-said-television-and-squander-countless-hours-watching-mindless-formulaic-television-programs-and-advertisements-designed-to-confirm-and-celebrate-my-decision-to-fill-my-life-with-consumer-goods-such-as-cars-furniture-furnishings-refridgerators-and-everything-else-as-well-as-encourage-me-to-go-out-and-purchase-ever-more-of-these-items-even-though-in-reality-I-have-more-items-than-are-really-necessary-and-some-that-I-purchased-at-various-times-on-a-whim-and-have-never-used-since. Next-came-a-bunch-of-activities-revolving-around-employment-family-friends-hobbies-and-let’s-not-forget-sleep-yes-sleep-I’ve-done-plenty-of-that-too-in-fact-about-a-third-of-my-waking-hours-have-been-spent-sleeping-ha-ha-ha-get-it-waking-hours-ha-ha-ha-just-another-little-joke-I-thought-I’d-throw-in-there-anyway-that-just-about-wraps-up-my-life-thus-far-and-I-hope-some-day-to-publish-a-sequel-a-part-two-of-memoirs-but-I-just-need-to-live-a-bit-more-so-I-have-something-to-write-about-and-of-course-I-will-need-once-again-to-find-a-way-to-say-it-all-in-only-six-words.
Lets’s-start-right-at-the-beginning-shall-we-well-I-grew-up-in-a-suburb-of-a-relatively-large-city-in-a-Western-industrialised-country. Childhood-had-its-ups-and-downs-of-course-not-unlike-most-people-but-to-be-honest-on-the-whole-I-was-really-quite-comfortable-and-happy-most-of-the-time-growing-up-in-my-middle-class-traditional-nuclear-family-and-by-nuclear-of-course-I-am-referring-to-the-fact-that-the-household-in-which-I-grew-up-contained-my-mother-and-father-and-my-siblings-I-am-not-of-course-referring-to-nuclear-weapons-although-in-our-family-there-were-at-times-plenty-of-atomic-reactions-going-on-ha-ha-ha-just-a-little-joke-of-course-as-you-can-tell-I-also-developed-my-appalling-sense-of-humour-around-this-time. Next-came-adulthood-which-involved-marriage-children-a-car-a-house-a-refridgerator-a-television-a-pet-dog-a-pet-cat-that-ran-away-after-about-a-week-and-have-never-heard-of-since-and-furthermore-never-felt-any-compulsion-to-replace-and-a-garage-to-store-said-car-the-usual-assortment-of-modern-furniture-and-furnishings-to-fill-said-house-a-cot-and-appropriate-sleeping-quarters-for-said-child-food-to-fill-said-fridge-a-television-remote-to-switch-on-said-television-as-well-as-available-evenings-to-sit-in-front-of-said-television-and-squander-countless-hours-watching-mindless-formulaic-television-programs-and-advertisements-designed-to-confirm-and-celebrate-my-decision-to-fill-my-life-with-consumer-goods-such-as-cars-furniture-furnishings-refridgerators-and-everything-else-as-well-as-encourage-me-to-go-out-and-purchase-ever-more-of-these-items-even-though-in-reality-I-have-more-items-than-are-really-necessary-and-some-that-I-purchased-at-various-times-on-a-whim-and-have-never-used-since. Next-came-a-bunch-of-activities-revolving-around-employment-family-friends-hobbies-and-let’s-not-forget-sleep-yes-sleep-I’ve-done-plenty-of-that-too-in-fact-about-a-third-of-my-waking-hours-have-been-spent-sleeping-ha-ha-ha-get-it-waking-hours-ha-ha-ha-just-another-little-joke-I-thought-I’d-throw-in-there-anyway-that-just-about-wraps-up-my-life-thus-far-and-I-hope-some-day-to-publish-a-sequel-a-part-two-of-memoirs-but-I-just-need-to-live-a-bit-more-so-I-have-something-to-write-about-and-of-course-I-will-need-once-again-to-find-a-way-to-say-it-all-in-only-six-words.