Children's television

Having a young daughter has meant I am watching children's TV shows for the first time in more than 20 years. And I must say, watching them again as an adult, a few things have become quite apparent:

1. Every character on these shows, whether they be a human, puppet, or some kind of bizarre human-puppet-uncanny valley-hybrid, are completely and utterly OFF THEIR FACES! They are stoned, wasted, high as a kite, call it what you will, but these cuddly creatures are on another planet altogether (and I'm not talking about the planet Spot). The thing is, how am I supposed to teach my kids to stay away from drugs when every show they watch looks like it was made by Cheech and Chong?

2. Bert and Ernie are gay. There is no two ways about it. They are the epitome of a gay couple. They live together, sleep in the same room and bicker like husband and wife. I never saw this as a kid. But it's so freaking obvious!

3. Representations of farming life are, like, sooo Victorian-era, man. Where are the battery hens? Where are the GM-crops? Where are the Monsanto heavies bullying mom-and-pop farms out of business? Get with the times, children's television programming.

I own a Melways and I know how to use it

One of my pet hates is when you ask someone for their address, but instead of actually telling you, they launch into a tedious blow-by-blow set of directions that take you from your front gate to theirs. This is a typical example of what I have encountered many times:

Me: So, what's your address?
Them: Okay, now where are you?
Me: Sorry?
Them: Where do you live?
Me: Um, I'm in Spotswood. I don't see how this is...
Them: Okay, well you know where Melbourne Road is?
Me: Look, I just need your...
Them: Drive all the way up Melbourne Road
Me: I don't...
Them: You'll get to a set of traffic lights, okay
Me: Excuse me...
Them: Now, turn right. But only if the lights are green, otherwise
Me: Look, please...
Them: On that road you'll see a tree shaped like a giant frog
Me: Please...
Them: Actually, there are two trees shaped like frogs. It's the second one you want
Me: Look...
Them: I'm not sure what the traffic will be like on that road, maybe instead you could try
Me: I'm getting dizzy
Them: Come to think of it, don't turn right there, go straight
Me: I need to sit d...
Them: Stay in the left lane. You'll come to a bridge and...hey, are you okay?
Me: (Whispering) Please...Melways...I..have...a...Melw...

"Hey, square-eyes, get away from the TV!"

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me not to sit too close to the TV. Apparently sitting very close to a screen was bad for my eyes or something?. But then one day a strange thing happened. They simply stopped worrying about it. Sitting close to the TV was suddenly no longer such a big deal anymore. Something happened in our house around that time that caused my parents to completely change their minds...

We bought a computer!

I was reminded of this recently because I have been reading old 1950s parenting guidebooks (just for a bit of fun) and I've noticed one common piece of advice that crops up in every one of these books: Make sure your child has plenty of fresh air. It seems like people were obsessed about fresh air back then. Which is ironic, because these days - when we get far less fresh air than previous generations - people have stopped caring about it.

It seems that as long as something is optional we should worry about it. But as soon as it becomes a necessary or inevitable part of our lives, suddenly we don't need to worry about it anymore.

Remember all the hype in the 90s about mobile phones causing cancer? (that was before everybody had one/needed one)