Monday, February 15, 2010

Fatty-Fascism

Oh, Ski Divine, is there a more delicious yoghurt available on the Australian market? Well, I have yet to see it. Oh, the taste, the creamy texture, the pure delight to the senses; and so many different flavours to choose from...Mmmm, yumm...



Until...

On a recent trip to the supermarket I was perusing the range of Ski yoghurt flavours and was just about to purchase one that piqued my salivating interest, when alas, Oh no!, I discovered there had been a horrible cover-up. What I had first thought were Ski Divine flavours were in fact Ski d'Lite!! A disgusting low-fat alternative, deviously disguised as the real thing. Oh, what kind of vile, sick, evil trick was this to play on an innocent customer, I thought. You perverse animals who work for the Ski marketing department! [Bill Hicks was right]

But wait, hang on a sec, I thought. It's no big deal. I can simply place this inferior counterfeit product back on the shelf and find the exact same flavour in the original version, can't I? Now... where is it? Hmm? No, not on this shelf, or the next...wait...haaang on just a minute...Now I can see ONE flavour in the original, but...no...c'mon...okay, let's just calm down here ...relax... ...breathe...ONE flavour! Just ONE measly piddly excuse for a flavour available in the original full-fat, full-taste, full-culinary-experience Ski Divine yoghurt, while there's, let's see...six, yes that's SIX WHOLE FLAVOURS available in the low-fat, low-taste, low-self-esteem-because-I'm-a-fat-lazy-fuckwit-who-sits-in-front-of-the-TV-all-night-and-gets-no-exercise-but-thinks-that-buying-low-fat-yoghurt-is-going-to-make-a-difference-to-my-life-and-there's-so-many-of-us-fuckwits-around-that-we've-managed-to-alter-the-entire-supply-and-demand-balance-of-the-whole-yoghurt-industry-and-pushed-the-full-fat-tasty-yoghurts-off-the-shelves Ski d-fucking-Lite tasteless crap!



Skinny people unite! Fight the power of fatty-fascism! Resist the hegemony of obese, lazy, advertising industry fodder who are responsible for the downfall of tasty food.

Apparently it's not enough that they get in our way at the supermarket, blocking aisles and creating hazards as they try to bend down in the frozen food section with their enormous asses. Now they are invading our taste buds, too! Squeezing tasty products out of the market and essentially eroding our basic freedoms.

We need to stand up to them. Come on. I just want to eat something yummy. I mean, is that too much to ask?

2 comments:

Daisy said...

I actually laughed out loud for this one. I have often bemoaned the dwindling selection of full fat full taste yoghurts.

BaSiL said...

I LOL-ed also. I mean, actually clapped my hands, rocked back and thought and slightly punched the air.

But i wouldn't pump your ego up too much by saying that too loudly :P