"Excuse me dear, but your balls are showing"

I’ve been having a bit of jeans-trouble. You see, every pair of jeans I buy ends up with these large gaping holes in them. Don’t get me wrong, I like my jeans a bit torn and worn-out looking. However, my last three pairs have all torn in the same, rather awkward place: a place sometimes referred to as the ‘Chad Region.’ You know that region in-between the crotch and backside. Well, the first two of these pairs had been duly turfed, but I was still wearing the third, hoping nobody would notice the hole. However, this morning as I was leaving for work my wife called out to me, ‘you can’t wear those pants. I can see your balls.’ Sure enough, I looked down and was rudely confronted by said testicles, protruding from my jeans in all their hirsute glory. Never mind the bollocks, here I was in a predicament - for I had nothing else to wear (I could say they stood out like dog’s balls, but that might be taking it one cliché too far?) After trawling through my wardrobe in vain for a replacement pair, I decided I had no choice but to wear the dilapidated denim. However, I realised the main culprit was not so much the jeans themselves, but the old-school boxer shorts I am so fond of. So I ditched those boxers for the more ‘figure-hugging’ Rivers brand, and the problem of the unwelcome gonads was solved. Admittedly there is less breathing room in the Rivers boxers (which I hate), but there is also less chance of being arrested for public exposure. So, all in all, it was a worthwhile compromise (I will definitely have to go shopping this weekend, though.)