Crisis? What crisis?

With all the talk of impending financial Armageddon at the moment, I am reminded of this book I found a while ago called Surviving the Great Depression of 1990. It was written shortly after the 1987 stock market crash, and explains why the world is headed for an ‘unprecedented economic collapse’, and the ‘worst depression since the 1930s’ (does this sound familiar?) Whilst it is good to read just for a laugh, it also gives me some perspective on the current wave of fear-mongering in the press, and the ‘Capitalism is dead’ talk I am hearing everywhere. Perhaps the world is not about to end after all?

From Rock to Rock (Part Two)

Wow! This book really is an endless fountain of wisdom (see previous post to know what I’m talking about – hence ‘part 2.’)Did you know that Bryan Adams’ lyrics glorify the god of fornication, or that Blondie’s music is Nihilistic?

I also learnt that Stevie Nicks is ‘rock’s blond priestess of the occult,’ and Tina Turner is ‘rock’s lustful grandmother’ (OK, so I already knew that.)

The book goes on to label Motley Crue as ‘one of the crudest and most barbaric of any rock group ever’ and consequently dedicates an entire chapter to them. On page 130 I found this harrowing account:

‘When fans were asked just what they would do to meet Motley Crue, the answers ranged from “sacrifice of wives and children” to one fan saying she would “tear out her mother’s heart with her bare hands and eat it raw!”’

[I can just imagine the author conducting a vox-pop outside a Motley Crue concert, and all these kids taking the complete piss out of him]

But whilst this book is providing me with an endless source of hilarity, the funniest thing about it is that in order to compile it, the author had to spend countless hours listening to all these bands and watching their music videos. Wouldn’t he have been morally corrupted in the process, or is he somehow immune to all that satanic influence?

Book Review: From Rock to Rock

I found the most wonderfully educational book this week. It’s called ‘From Rock to Rock: The Music of Darkness Exposed.’ It was written in 1990 by a Christian named Eric Barger, and it provides a detailed analysis of popular rock music, explaining how the Devil uses rock n roll to influence the kiddies.

It explains back-masking, subliminal messages, cross-dressing, and even AC-DCs ‘satanic lightning bolt,’ but the central feature of the book is what it calls the ‘Rock Music Rating System’ in which it outlines 10 criteria for judging whether a band is Satanic. It then lists hundreds of bands from A-Z, and next to their name identifies which of the criteria each artist fulfils.

And if you thought you knew which bands to be wary of, think again! According to the list, The Police (with 9 criteria) are more evil than Ozzy Osbourne (8), Duran Duran (7) are more evil than Megadeth (6), and even Bananarama (6) are more evil than Metallica (5)!!

Other artists on the list include: The Bee Gees (4), Fleetwood Mac (5), Neil Diamond (2), and Rod Stewart (3). In fact, speaking of Rod Stewart, it says ‘If you’re singing along with Rod, how can you be walking with God?’ [man, I wanna put that on a T-shirt]. And if Rod Stewart aint bad enough, the author considers Lionel Ritchie (3) especially evil, and gives this dire warning: ‘Christians should abstain from supporting his artistry with no questions asked.’

And apparently even pretend bands can be evil; Spinal Tap gets 3 gongs.

But there is only one band in the list that fulfills all 10 criteria, and yes, you guessed it, it’s The Rolling Stones. The most EVIL band in the world!

[I have a feeling I will be quoting from this book a lot]